Weekend Phishing

This past weekend I went "on tour" with my husbands all time favorite band. I went to 3 shows in 3 days in 2 different cities. I have been to 2 other shows in 2 concsecutive nights but it was fall and actually pretty chilly since it was November, so all the total crazies werent out. 

My mom calls us groupies, I have heard them refered to as "Phish heads", others refer to is as "going on tour". Either way, I just experienced my first muli-city tour. It was a hell of a weekend. Wild. Wild. Wild. Wild. Saw some stuff that made me think, “WTF?????” Some stuff that made me think, “ohh, your gonna go to jail!!!” Saw some people actually go to jail. Met a hippy that was selling 195 proof strawberry and peach moonshine that tasted like strawberry flavored gasoline (trust me it did), a woman selling jello shots while actively breastfeeding, another woman selling t-shirts while actively breastfeeding. I peed in the woods more than I would prefer, I had a couple beers dumped on me and I was hugged by about a dozen random, sweaty, smelly strangers and barely wore shoes all weekend. I also let Chris’ friend cut the sleeves off my t-shirt with a ridiculously sharp knife while it was still on my body then used the sleeves as a hair band. Everyone at these shows are always happy and more than willing to help you with anything you need. These are the shows you dont dress to impress, you dont go trolling for hook-ups, you dont walk around with your ass hanging out of a shredded up denim miniskirt like country concerts I have been to. You can totally be yourself and not worry about what anyone out there thinks of you. No one threw up, got arrested, or ran out of money so I would conclude the weekend was a total success. I cant wait until Fall Tour. Now that I know what to expect when you go on tour.

Judge me if you want

Wow, some of these women on The Bump are nuts! They are all self righteous about anything they deem not perfect. Because we all know that every mother out there is perfect right?


We are contemplating expanding our family so I have been doing a little lurking on the Bump to see if I find any boards that could possibly be a nice fit once we get to that point. I don’t want to flood our A08 board with constant baby nonsense because I know I will be a total offender of that. I think people will totally hate me on those baby boards. I don’t know, maybe its because I wont give up my entire life and who I am and my relationship with my husband for a child that will grow up and move out in 20 years and have their own lives. I see too many people live and breathe by every shitty diaper or sneeze, or tantrum. I refuse to be one of those parents. I have seen how people around me that parent like that are. They are exhausted, their marriages are not marriages. They live together to care for that one being that will be gone in a few short years. Then where will your marriage be? You have lost who you are as a couple and have nothing in common anymore. You have lived your life for your kids and now that they are gone, your marriage is somewhere in a limbo that could go either way. My parent’s lives were like that. When we all became teenagers and had our own lives, they divorced. It was horrible. After 18 years they had nothing left. 18 years! I refuse to live that life. Hate me for it, fine. But it has seemed to work for me so far. Here is why I don’t live my life that way.


My husband and I have only been together for 5 and a half years, but we were never “Jill and Chris” It has always been “Jill, Chris and Chase” We have always been a family of 3. 4 if you count the Princess, because she has been here that long too and she makes sure she is included as a part of our family. She causes just as much drama as the boy so she is included too.


I made the choice at 18 years old to have unprotected sex, and I got pregnant the summer after I graduated high school. I was old enough to have sex, I was old enough to live with my choices. Abortion was NEVER an option. As I was shoved from childhood into adulthood with alarming speed, I grew up with my son. I’m not the perfect mom and I will never ever claim to be. I make mistakes. I say things I shouldn’t. I apologize often. My house is always a mess, my laundry gets done when we run out of clean underwear, things are always lost, but there is so much love in my house that we don’t care. My little family is happy and healthy and that is what matters.


I was given much advice while pregnant with my son. I took it all in and smiled and nodded to all the old church ladies. I filed away all the advice to use for a later date. The one thing that always stuck in my mind was from a close friend of my moms. She is someone that I have known my entire life. My mom has been friends with her almost 45 years. She herself has been married 40 years. She told me, “Always put your husband first. If you have a happy marriage you will have happy children” Many people will think I am selfish and wrong to abide by that bit of advice. While my husband did not come before my son, that is how we live our lives now. Chase was 2 when Chris came around so he does not remember me without Chris being there too. Not even with his father who I was with for 5 years. Chase has never been one of those self-centered, I-need-all-attention-on-me-at-all-times, kind of kids. He is independent and self sufficient (as much as an 8 year old can be). He does not need someone to constantly entertain him. He is happy to sit and read a book, or play with his toys by himself.


I was always very honest with him and never sugar coated problems that affected him. In some ways I think I thought he was older than he was, that I expected too much from him. But he has proven me wrong and become one of the most helpful, honest, sweetest, considerate, polite children I have ever known. I never talked to him like he was a baby. I talked to him like he was a person like me. Where that is now leading me to the “if you can do it, why cant i? phase, I wouldn’t change anything I have done in raising him they way I did.


He came into my world. Not me into his. My life did not revolve around him and everything he did. We both revolved around the world that was handed to us and we lived in it together. We have been more of equals that mother and son, though that firm mother-son relationship is in place. He will never be confused into thinking I am just a friend or playmate. I can be one of those people; by my main purpose in his life is his mother.


Chase has always had the best of everything we could give him. He has many adventures. We have taken him camping every year, he has been on vacation to Aruba, and he goes to our family beach house every weekend in the summer. He plays baseball and skateboards. He has more books than any 8 year old can read. He has every new gaming console you can ask for. We go for walks, watch movies, read together, play games, go for walks on the beach go out for dinner at least once a week, so he is certainly not lacking in the parental attention department. But Chris and I also make sure we have time for each other too.


Judge me for being this kind of parent if you want. Judge me for my thoughts on this. God bless the people whose children are their lives. Yes, I want to have another child, I just don’t want to have that child, should we be blessed enough to receive one, occupy everything about my life. We want to add the joy of another child to our lives, not add another child to gain joy in our lives. We want another child to join in the fun and love that already exists there. Please don’t think I am putting down any other parents for raising their child as the center of their worlds. Because that is what they want. That is their idea of child rearing. It just doesn’t happen to be mine. No one is right or wrong. Children do not come with instructions.


I plan on raising our next and mostly likely last child the same way (with a few changes) we raised Chase. Our crazy lifestyle will mellow down a lot. There will be a lot more child oriented excursions. But we will also still have our nights out, and our concerts, and our friends. They may be fewer and further in between, but that will be by our choice.